Today, WordPress informed me that it was the anniversary of when I blogged my first post.
If only they knew how emotionally loaded that notification would be.
I was a little weary of going back and reading the post. I knew it would remind me of how very homesick I was and how much my heart ached after moving here away from my family.
But, alas, I did.
It was a very bitter sweet feeling. It did remind of how homesick I was and how my heart hurt, and still does. I don’t know if I will ever truly feel like this is where home lies, because there is such wisdom in the saying, “Home is where the heart is”.
My heart is still on the other side of the state with the rest of my family. It doesn’t mean I don’t like here, even though I’m aware I complain constantly. I do like it here. I like it for my husband, who started the career he has always wanted. I like it for my boys, and the experience they get by living in a small town. I love the education they receive. I love all the little quirks of small town living that you would probably never even hear of in a bigger city. (When exactly is, “Bring Your Tractor to School Day”, again?) And of course, I love all the new friends I have made, because without you guys I think I would be down right miserable.
I love feeding the ducks.
I love walking three blocks to “downtown” to watch the latest parade.
I love how people feel like you are family after mentioning who your parents and grandparents are, simply because of having roots in the town.
I love, love, love, the special education team that works with Richie.They have affected the core of my family in the best way possible. Without them, I’m pretty sure we would be lost as to what was going on in our little guy’s head, but they gave us the window to see in.
I love that it only takes 2 minutes to drive across town.
I love the police department, because it was many of those people and their families that have introduced us to the small things about McCook that I may have never known. They helped us move in, hauled the furniture up and down flights of stairs. Their kids have babysat our kids, they have driven by my house at night when my husband was away at the academy to make sure all was well, they have listened when I have been homesick, they have helped me come up with cool gifts for Austin, and they have always been able to point me in the right direction whenever I’ve had a question.
So, am I still homesick? Yeah.
Does my heart still hurt? Absolutely.
Did this notification make me go back and realize how much life has changed this last year and how although I carry around this homesickness in my heart, how we’ve come a pretty long ways? Yep.
The boys are doing so well.
I am so proud of Austin becoming a police officer, and volunteer firefighter that I think my heart may burst.
And me? Well, I am THIS much closer to my degree.
One year ago today, I sat down with a heavy heart and started writing about our journey to McCook, scared, sad, and unsure on what the future held.
Today, I write with more assurance on what life has in store for us, for me, and if I want to be incredibly honest with myself, it’s not that bad looking.
Today the boys are going on a field trip with me to the new police station and fire house. They are having an open house for the town and I guess half the town will be there. After that its off to see grandma.
I’m finding it hard to develop motivation for unpacking today. The kitchen is done in thanks to my sister, the boy’s room, and living room. Currently that is sufficient. The kids have fun hiding behind all the boxes and making little hiding places with them so I figure I am doing them a service by leaving the boxes untouched. The homesick part of me wants to keep the curtains drawn and not leave the house in hopes to pretend I am not so far away from home, but my mind doesn’t seem to be believing it. It isn’t home yet here, just “the house”.
View original post 328 more words